365 days of images - - Day 22 - Jan. 21, 2021 - Linda's Intuitive Images LMH -- Signs and Messages

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This week I have been having what I would call signs and messages.  I have always had a sensitivity towards intuition and premonition.  Phil and I have had many discussions about what happened after death and what we believed.  When he was very ill Noelle and I asked him to please give us signs that he was okay after he passed.  We often kidded Phil that he was like Forest Gump because he often had feathers that floated around him.  This week started with a feather floating around me as I walked, it just floated around my head and around me until it landed on my shoe.  As if that wasn't enough, on the way home I had another float by me as I drove, it floated around the windshield before it landed on the window in front of me.  Today when I was walking I got drawn into the tidal pools.  I was taking an image of a sea shell and I raised my head and on the rock next to me was a toy fire engine.  I was tucked back in the rocks where the tide has just receded from, it was very early in the morning.  Surprising that a toy could make it through the tides we have had overnight.  But there it sat, I left it there, but it made me smile as Phil being a fireman and he kept toy firetrucks himself.  I keep a couple of them on my nightstand, they people had given him when he was sick.  Messages?  I'm positive that Phil is letting me know he is okay.  I have been seeing hearts everywhere, in clouds, in waves and on trees.  I find it reassuring and it fills me with a filling of peace.

My walk started by Asilomar, including the beach, coastal trail and back into the neighborhoods on my way back.  I was tired today, probably because  my walk yesterday was very long.  The waves were pretty and I had a good time watching them break on the rocks.

Birds, sea shells and trees grabbed my attention.

Right before Phil passed away, there was a crow who began to sit on the shed behind the house and would watch us through the kitchen window.  Noelle and I often would look at each other with dread as we felt that might have been a sign that Phil was leaving.  After he passed the crow came around for a couple of weeks and then we never saw it again.

As I have been walking I have been noticing this crow with one leg, I have taken images a couple of times.  It was there right after I found the firetruck.  Life is amazing and I would encourage you to watch for the messages around you.  

One more story that takes my breath away.  As Phil died, I stood beside him the entire time.  I talked to him telling him that it was okay for him to leave that I would be alright.  I told him I loved him and how much he meant to me.  It was not an easy death and I stood beside him for several hours.  I became weak, I told him I needed to sit down for just a minute.  The second I sat down he passed away, drawing his final breath.  When I stood up a dime fell from my lap, that really surprised me as there was no reason for there to be a dime there.  I had not been anywhere that I would need money in some time.  I had sat on the bed where I had been sleeping and was only there for a moment.  After that Noelle and I would find dimes everywhere.  I was not aware of this being a phenomenon, but after looking it up, I saw that other people had said that it had happened to them as a loved one died.  Life is mysterious and wonderful, I can feel Phil in my heart at times, I know he is there and that helps me go forward.  I believe that we will be together again.

On the way home,  I noticed flowers, birds and I spotted a bunny.

As the sun set, I ran out to catch a couple of images.  An end to a wonderful day, reaffirming beliefs and finding peace within.

For Phil

I love you and am paying attention! 

I believe!

 

One month later - sadness, grief and learning to live and heal in a "Covid World"

The weather and my soul are set in a gloom.  There are moments that it feels like I'm drowning in a sea of grief.  Both Phil and I were concerned about how I would handle life when he passed away.  Even though I had been aware that it was coming, it was a blow to my system when he left. Grief comes when it wants to, I miss him desperately and find myself crying when I least expect it.  At first I could barely move.  Flash backs of what Phil had to go through with this illness have plagued both my daughter Noelle and myself in the past month.  I can't thank Noelle enough for all the help she provided both Phil and I with as his disease progressed.  She was more than helpful and she continues to help me move forward.   Brain cancer proved to be brutal and there are moments of pain we wish we could forget.  We both know that we did our best and I'm very happy I could be with him until the last moment.  It is very difficult to get past some of the hard parts that we had to go through, but I know we will.  When I started recording the journey that Phil and I were on, in my blog, I hoped that I might help someone who might be going through a similar circumstance.   Phil was courageous, kind and brave as he left.  I miss him.  I promised both of us that I would be okay and I will.  I'm just letting myself ride the grief and allowing myself to heal the best I can.

I ask for messages that he is around me and I know he is.  I believe he is in a better place now and I'm comforted by the idea that he isn't in pain anymore and that he is with our little dog Judy.  Spirituality fills me and I'm letting myself feel my way through this.

One day as Noelle and I took a drive, I spotted a purple car that I knew Phil would love and I told Noelle I was going back to take a photo.  We went around a long block and the car was still there.  When I  got out to take the image, I noticed a message on the side of the car. That message on the car said it all.  At this moment, I feel anger at the disease, it all seems so unfair and cruel.  

Noelle and I had been very secluded taking care of Phil, staying at home, trying not to bring the Covid virus in, because Phil's immune system was compromised.  It has been hard coming out of care giving and into the new "normal".  Noelle and I continue to self distance and wear masks but we have ventured out more than we have in a few months.  As I started getting back to my walks and trying my hand at photography, I noticed many things.  There are many changes in the world now.....I'm trying to wrap my mind around that too!

The town we live in has been using some ingenuity about outdoor dining, it has been successful and everyone seems to enjoy it.  There are now area's outside that have been built in front of the restaurants, attractive, heated and fun.  Pacific Grove adjusting to the new "normal".

  I'm healing and allowing the world to heal too.  I have some visiting and exploring to do in the future.  I am still moving through life one moment at a time.

I've been walking, doing some projects around the house, gardening and even attempted a crafting project.  When I walk, I talk to Phil and tell him what I have been up to and that I miss him.  Everything that I see reminds me of him....I'm trying to enjoy the beauty around me and enjoy minutes even though I feel my heart is breaking.

There were many cards and notes hanging around the apartment.  Phil had been receiving love and I wish you could have seen his beautiful face as I read them to him.  Noelle and I have been missing all the positive mail that had been pouring in for Phil.  I decided as I took the cards down and read them all again. As I did I decided to decoupage some trays that I had in the house with the cards of love.  Thank you to each person who took the time to send notes.  At the end of Phil's life he sometimes didn't open his eyes or use his voice.  He always managed to smile when I read him the cards......

When we eat our meals and snacks we will see the love that was shared with all of us. 

I'm trying to heal....There are photos of Phil and our beautiful memories that I have put up around the apartment.  I have also made a memorial alter.  I miss his smile, I miss his hugs and I miss having my best friend to share my secrets with......