365 days of images - - Day 81- March 21, 2021 - Linda's Intuitive Images LMH -- Coincidence

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It has been sunny, temperate and that is good for the mood.  I enjoyed my walk this morning, there was poppies, seal lions and sea anemones.  I have been walking about 2 -3 hours each morning, it is the only time that I feel at peace.  Walking by the ocean heals, calms my soul and offers me the opportunity to be in the moment.  I don't know what I would do without my walk time.  I find joy in the search for images for the blog.  Grateful for the beauty that surrounds me.  The sound of the ocean, the beauty of the flowers and the behavior of the wildlife is all music to me.

Fascinated and pulled to the light, esp since it is usually before daylight that I get out in the morning.

The sea lions were swimming holding onto each other.

Sea anemones as the waves came in and out of the tidal pools.

Yahooooo!  Poppies and Princess flowers.

Today an interesting coincidence happened.  About this time last year Phil, Noelle and I was shopping at the Cancer thrift store.  Phil found a sweater he wanted me to get.  He got very persistent that I should get it, he thought I would be cute in it.  I choose not to get it as we were going through a very difficult time and it didn't seem practical.   Phil seemed downhearted about it and a couple of days later he made me go back to see if the sweater was still there.  It was not.  Today I was looking for a cardigan on ebay, I typed in bulky sweater and guess what came up -- the sweater he had picked out, the very same color, the style and the size I needed.  It made me cry a little, I made an offer and it was accepted.  The sweater that Phil wanted for me is on the way.  Serendipity.

For Phil:

I love and miss you so very much.

Thank you for the sweater!

365 days of images - - Day 32 - Jan. 31, 2021 - Linda's Intuitive Images LMH -- Finished my First Month of Images

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Image taking didn't come easy today.  The walk was fabulous but after yesterdays impressive sunrise, it felt like I had a lot to live up to.

The sun was coming up and the moon was going down in a wispy sky.

My block wasn't because nature wasn't glorious.  The sound of the song sparrows was music to my ears.

Maybe it was because yesterday, I received a letter from hospice   It was a letter about it being the 6 month anniversary of Phil's death.  Questions to see how I was handling my grief.  I pondered the 4 tasks that were included in the letter as I walked today.  The letter indicated that many people reach out for help at this point in their grief.  These are the tasks that they say are necessary to progress -  Task 1: Accepting the reality of the loss.  Task 2; Working through pain and grief.  Task 3:Adjusting to the new environment.  and Task 4: Finding a connection with the deceased while moving forward in life.  

I think that I'm working through the grief to the best of my ability.  Somedays are good, some days are horrible and not a minute goes by that I don't miss him.  The cruelty of the way he had to go, stays with me, the sadness of a wonderful life cut short, cuts me to the quick.  I will never get over missing his hugs.  But I am accepting, I'm allowing my grief to take its course and I understand I will always miss him.  I'm lucky to have friends and family who allow me my grief and are understanding with me.  I don't want to be here, but it is here that I am.  

As Phil told me as he learned he had cancer,

It is what it is and now we have to make the best of it.

I'm doing the best I can to muddle through the fog of grief.

I walked my ass off!  I think I was walking the letter off.

The angst

the loss

the feeling of being out of control.

Up one hill, then another......

I tried to stay present but it was hard not to get lost in my head.  I'm guessing that the physical exertion is just what a counselor would recommend for me.    

All of the dogs that I encountered today, came up and gave me an its going to be okay sniff.  Every single dog seemed to know I was out of sorts and came to give me encouragement.  I know they know....

 .  Surfing the waves of life, one day at a time.

Just like that, one month has passed.  I have finished my first month in my self challenge.

Just 11 more months of images.  When I set a challenge, I go for it.  Ha!

It is helping, I need the purpose and a way to memorialize Philly.

This is my therapy, this is my way to help myself get through one minute at a time.

I'll be damn if it isn't working.

For Phil

I miss you!

I'm still catching the craters on the moon for you. 

365 days of images - - Day 30 - Jan. 29, 2021 - Linda's Intuitive Images LMH -- Chasing Rainbows

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 This morning started with clouds and rain in the distance.  I was hoping for rainbows, one of my favorite things....Rainbows represent love, hope and while Phil wasn't feeling well, we chased them.   

Then ever so faintly, I spotted it, the rainbow....

It made me cry.

The rainbow faded away as I walked.   The lighthouse looked pretty dressed in wispy clouds.

Waves

An Egret on the golf course.

I sat on a stump and watched the birds run back and forth in the waves.

On the way home I spotted a car with amazing rainbow colors.  As you walked around it, it changed its colors.  Like moods.....

For Phil

There are no words for the emotion I feel today.

A little hollow.

"Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbows are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What so we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me

Have you been fast asleep
And have you heard voices,
I've heard them calling my name
Is this the sweet sound that calls
The young sailors
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me"

Kermit