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This morning I woke crying. It hasn't happened often but it always takes me off guard. As I was going through photos last night, I came across one from Phil's last days. I could see the pain all over his face. It must have stuck with me and hit me as I came to. I cried on my walk. I'm amazed I got images at all.
I did something that I haven't been good at, I reached out to friends and I'm grateful that they reached back. I'm lucky to have a great support. Lately I have wanted to hide and be to myself. I ended up walking with a friend this afternoon and it helped a lot. Appreciative, very appreciative.
I went to Asilomar Beach this morning, I love the beach and it is medicinal in nature. The air was warm, the sea air refreshing and the beach was almost empty. It was the usual crowd of birds and surfers. I walked, tried to calm and console myself.
I did a little tide pooling, looking around to see what I could spot.
The waves of grief are hard to deal with and yet when I realize what I have lost, I understand the waves.
I'm riding them, sometimes at the top of the wave, sometimes being chased by it and then there are the times that the wave just knocks me down.
My favorite image this morning was a small finch. I have been trying to catch this beautiful little bird but they are fast. Munching on buds the bird allowed me to take pictures. Bird nerd that I'm developing into.....I was thrilled.
For Phil
As you always told me.
Tomorrow will be a better day!
Miss you.
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