Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I can feel that the day will be a challenge. There had been some family politics involving traveling and covid that I got involved with. I had panic attacks when Phil was first diagnosed with cancer and I had them throughout the past 4 years during tough times. The last couple of days have been full of struggle with panic attacks. Lesson learned, pick your battles and right now, my energy must be retained for healing. I walked and walked and walked some more trying to pull my thoughts together.
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It was a misty, wet morning with stormy looking skies. When the sun started to come up the color proved to be very pretty.
On the days that I feel troubled, I miss Phil. He was always there for me. His hugs were the best, he always was kind and directed me onto the right path. This morning I missed him. I told my daughter I feel like an island, I feel different, weird and isolated from the world. This is an old struggle....embracing myself in all my weirdness has been a lifelong challenge. Bless his heart, Phil loved me for me. That is a hard thing to say good bye to.
I took the sunrise in at Lover's Point, as the sunrises are spectacular there.
I then moved to Asilomar Beach, because I needed to walk it off even more angst.....Asilomar is one of my favorite beach's, a great place to get some more exercise.
The sky became gloomier, it matched my mood.
I thought of what Phil would tell me. He would encourage me to continue what we started. Keep looking for the beauty, and enjoy each moment. The entire time Phil was on his journey with cancer, we kept trying to enjoy life, the beauty of the area we lived in and each other.
I found beauty in the flowers that were in the dunes.
I took pleasure in the fact I caught a bird pooping. Even bragging to Noelle when I got home about it. Notice in the photo above. It made me giggle, I need more of that.
Dogs playing, pelicans in the waves and seagulls flying overhead.
I miss you Phil, but I could hear you say....
Tomorrow will be a better day.
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