365 days of images - - Day 42 - Feb 10, 2021 - Linda's Intuitive Images LMH -- Self Acceptance and Pride

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This morning my walk and meditation included some work on self acceptance and pride.  At times I can be hard on myself or let other's judgements affect how I'm feeling about myself.  What I've learned from conversation with others that have been through similar experiences, experiencing it myself and self educating is that I have to accept how I need to go through my grief.  Phil taught me many important lessons as he went through his journey.  Immediately after he was diagnosed, he told me the importance of him being able to manage the journey himself.

With grief everyone wants you to be happy or just move on from it.  I often think if people could only put themselves into your place that they might be able to be at least empathetic.  I understand the sentiment of wanting me to be happy, but it is an overwhelming experience to lose the love of your life.  Can you imagine what it is like to watch the person you love, suffer from seizures, being poisoned to stay alive and knowing that death was coming on any day, never knowing what was coming and when??? 

So with that being said.

I accept that I am going to be sad and miss Phil.

I accept that I'm healing and that I'm doing it just right for me.

I accept that life goes on.

Gratitude, love, friends and family have helped me through.

My spirituality has been invaluable.

I'm so very proud of myself for surviving through it all.

I feared each day, I'm proud that I made it through each one of them, one moment at a time.

I'm proud of my creativity and that it helps me heal.

I am most proud that I helped Phil until his last breath, I know my care gave him peace and love.  That is what gives me what peace I find now.

I'm proud that I will get up tomorrow and I will laugh and I might cry.  

I will continue to look to the beauty that surrounds me to help get me through.

My appreciation to those who love and help me everyday.

It is my daughter Noelle's birthday tomorrow.

Noelle helped me with Phil, more than anyone could imagine.  Covid caused problems with getting home help and our only other choice would have been a nursing facility, where I would not be able to visit him.  I stayed with Phil every time he was in the hospital, but with the corona virus pandemic, I was not allowed to visit during his last visit to the hospital.  The minute Noelle heard she told me that she would help me care for Phil.  We brought Phil home for his last few months of life, she moved in and rolled up her sleeves.  I would not have been able to move Phil on my own.  As he declined he could not move himself and was bed ridden.  Noelle helped me take care of Phil and ended up being a wonderful nurse.  I know Phil would want her to be recognized for what she did.  It was heroic and filled with love.  Phil loved and appreciated us.  He told us thank you and he loved us constantly.

I am proud and appreciative of my daughter.

Thank you, I love you Noelle. 

I know your birthday will be full of love and happiness!

Oh hell I got carried away... 

Here is what I saw on day 42 of 365 days of images.

  

Del Monte Beach

"The shale is attacked by a species of boring clam that rasps away burrows into the soft shale. The clam holds onto the shale with its foot and uses its shell as a scraping tool. Beachcombers often find pieces of shale on the beach decorated with neatly drilled holes. This natural art is a result of many years of hard work by little clams'

Monterey Wharf 2

Custom House Plaza

Valentines on Fisherman's Wharf

The best and happy news.

My daughters, sister and parents gave me a new camera for my birthday.  Tomorrow will be the first day I use it for image making!  Yahooooo, we will see how that goes.

For Phil

We miss you!