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Today I walked the route that Phil and I often walked as he went through treatments for cancer. Sometimes he was so weak that he had to sit down often as we made our way down the path. As I pass each of those spots I can feel the emotions that we went through. Phil was amazing as he went through treatments, he will always be my hero. He called the coastal trail the therapeutic trail, he could recognize pain and illness in people we passed. He spoke to them, made friends and was inspired by others he met. I'm heartbroken by his loss, he was a part of me and I feel like that part is missing. I walk to heal, to keep connected to him and to find myself. I suspect that I will keep doing so as long as I'm able.
I stand by the tree in the image below often, it holds many memories. It was a point in our walks that Phil felt as if he accomplished something, a point to walk to. We called it Stumpy McStumpyville. He would smile knowing I put a photo of it here, he would appreciate that I feel it, all of it, everything we went through, in that spot. It stands for courage to me. All the courage that Phil carried in his heart, I continue to try to carry with me.
For Phil
Cancer took things and people away. I still have some hang ups of the memories of the absolute sadness that we went through. We lost everything! and yet....We gained a new perspective of life, a renewed love of each other and made new friends. With tenacity and creativity we learned how to survive through what seemed like a tsunami hitting us. We clung to each other, shared our feelings, fears and love. I look to your courage, your love and I move forward with that example. I love and miss you.
