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I found myself without much focus today. Tomorrow I have my first doctor appointment since Phil passed away. I don't think I realized how much this would affect my psyche. I guess I should have realized that I have PTSD from my experiences with Phil plus I'm always nervous before I have to go to the doctor. I just couldn't concentrate today, I missed Phil because he is the person I would typically lean on during periods of fear. He was always calm, reassuring and Phil. The odd part of this all is I'm going to have a cyst looked at, that developed right before Phil was diagnosed with cancer. It has grown in size over the years and I just want to keep tabs on it. It is so weird because it is in the same place as Phil's cancer was, only it is on my scalp. I always thought it was some kind of empathic growth. I've had it looked at several times, and the doctors have all said not to worry. I always thought it would disappear when Phil died. Instead it seems to be growing so I'm going to have it checked out again and see about removal. All is making me feel stressed out and thus distracted as hell. I'm positive I'm okay, but I will be glad when the appointment is over.
Which door?
Coffee shops always remind me of Phil....
Who doesn't love a blue bar? The lights are so pretty. They were cleaning but let me step in and take a picture.
To Phil
I miss you.
I know you are with me in the mornings.
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