Butterflies have played a big part of our journey. Phil and I were staying at the Butterfly Grove Inn when he had his seizure that led to his diagnosis of Astocytoma. Right before his seizure I had taken all kinds of images of butterflies at the Butterfly Sanctuary. We live in the Butterfly City of Pacific Grove. While Phil was in the hospital he had a vivid dream of a ceremony that included spinning lotus flowers and butterflies that ascended into the heavens. When he was recovering in the hospital I told Phil I was changing my name to Butterfly Hellion. We watched a program about the afterlife and a patient that had an afterlife experience described flying on the back of a butterfly towards the light. Phil helped the Marine Mammal rescue with a seal rescue and he was asked to name the seal. He named it Butterfly. It has been a reoccuring theme and we both find peace in seeing butterflies.
Phil has been suffering with side affects of chemo and hasn't been feeling his best, so we took a ride to the beach to take in some ocean therapy. While we were there, a Monarch flew by us and inspired us to take a walk to the Monarch Butterfly Sanctuary. It was magical, there were many butterflies flying above us in the skies. I managed to capture a couple of images but more important it relieved some of the angst we have been feeling.
I will never get used to seeing Phil suffer. I'm grateful for the beauty that distracts us, helps heal and makes us feel better.....even if just for a moment.
On our way out of the sanctuary we spotted these two.
This morning I got up and felt the heaviness that comes with depression. I know that it is to be expected with what we are going through, but that doesn't make it any easier. Even with distraction, gratitude and trying to pull myself out of it, I found myself weeping. It all gets overwhelming sometimes. I try as hard as I can to keep positive, be grateful and to move forward with courage. But there are those times that I can feel my heart breaking, become discouraged and overwhelmed. Tears slide down my face as I write this. No concentration - no ambition - just sadness.
I struggle to reach out to others, it doesn't come easily. It is hard to be the one who carries sadness, it isn't my nature. My mother always tells the story that I started to laugh when I was 5 days old. I acquired the nickname, "Linda Laughbox" from a dear friend. People often find me while I'm shopping saying they heard me laughing from across the store. It is devasting to me when I can't find my smile, my humor and my laugh.
Our solution to the problem, a walk. We decided to play tourists in our own backyard.
This time it was Cannery Row. We started off stopping at Hovden Way, hoping to catch a glimpse and wave at Noelle inside the aquarium. We didn't see her, but someone saw us and before you know it, Noelle appeared to give a hug. Hugs help.
Now that makes me smile. A hug and we were on our way.
When we are on the "row", one of my favorite spots is the "Pacific Biological Laboratories".
"Doc" Ricketts being a facinating character and one that I'm taken with. If you go beside the lab and back toward the ocean behind the Intercontinental you will end up with a spectacular view, plus the sounds and smells of the sea.
We headed down Cannery Row, talking and taking in the history surrounding us. Walking starts to make everything seem a little better.
We continue walking until we come to the Coast Guard Jetty. This is one of my favorite places to catch images of animals. Today we noticed many dead sun fish floating in the bay. The sea gulls seems to take interest, but besides that, they seemed to be just floating in the bay.
Here is the wildlife that we spotted:
Therapy - walking, taking photos, sharing and writing. It all helps.
Grateful, a little crazy and full of love.
One moment at a time.
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