One foot in front of the other - MRI results

I had to give writing this blog a good amount of consideration before I got started.  The blog has always been a way for me to write away some of the angst that is a part of our journey.  I have used it to advise the people who love us about MRI results and I always hope that it will give another person a look at what it is like to navigate the world while dealing with brain cancer.  This is not an easy journey and the blog has helped me in more ways than I can express.   My confidence and good judgement has been breached and I feel like I must censure myself because of an in incident with a family member.  Phil and I have discussed it and have decided not to let it interfere with the blog.  I will consider what I put into the blog but I will not let this block me telling our story.  This story is from my eyes....it is my opinion and it makes me feel better releasing what festers inside me.

The MRI results were difficult to hear, even though we were expecting some kind of news due to the symptoms that Phil has been having the last 6 weeks since the last scan.  We had been attributing the symptoms to the chemo,  and although chemo has been causing some of his symptoms, we have learned that there is a cyst that is growing and causing the symptoms he has been having.  He has been suffering with dizziness, confusion and nausea.  Fatigue is commonplace and he has been having tremors, wild movements with his arms while he sleeps and depression.  The good news is they will try a new drug to help with the growing cyst.  We are all hoping that we can slow down the growth.   The cancer itself is stable and not growing at this time.  The cyst however is applying pressure inside the brain which is causing the current problems.  Seizure becomes a real threat again and we are doing everything we can to promote good health.

I have to tell you the last 6 weeks have been filled with a range of emotions from extreme sadness to grateful appreciation.  We have been more than blessed with friends and family who continue to care and help us get through.  There has been someone to fill our life with music, good food and hugs whenever we need it.  There has been cards from my Mom every single day, texts and love given to us on a daily basis from our friends and family.  For that I'm forever grateful, promise to pay forward and simply do not know how I would move forward without these people.

Phil has been a bit slower and our walks have been shortened but they are still filled with beauty and we continue to find joy in absolutely everything we can find joy in.  We have been exploring our surrounding area and town and having a good time doing it.

Picking my camera up lately has been slow and finding the creativity has been slower.  I have been getting out into my garden, which has been a source of joy to me.  I have been recording the progress of the garden, I spend many hours of meditation, weed pulling and relaxing while Phil naps.

We are hopeful, are mustering our courage and head to what will come next.  New drug, continuing chemo and 6 more weeks until the next MRI.  We want to try to plan a trip, which will depend on Phil's health and well being at this point.  We are aiming for the fall....it gives us something to look forward to.  I continue to add images to posters, cards and bags and all the sales from my Etsy go to the fund for travel.   Please if you would like to help...this is the way to do it, our trips are what make life exciting and bearable.  We are affording our daily life, but there is not anything extra for trips or extras.  Thank you in advance.

There have been times of despair, feeling like you don't want to go on and yet we will not give up.  We won't give in to depression or fear.  Your prayers, words of love and hugs help bolster our courage - thank  you.

Phil's birthday was difficult this year....He has decided to change his birthday and we will celebrate at other times of the year.  Noelle suggested that he have 2 birthdays a year and we all agree that sounds like a fun idea.

The lesson of the last 6 weeks has been what a wonderful team we have.  Family, friends, doctors and doggies.  Best team ever!

Thank you to everyone.

Trust and respect are necessary in all relationships, whether it is family, friends or partnerships.  Without respect and trust there is not a relationship.....