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Today was one of those days...... It started off gray and rainy. The kind of rainy, not conducive to photography. It was a steady light rain and I realized I was going to have to be creative. Mall walking, ha! it seemed like a perfect idea. We have an outdoor mall that has a cover, I set out for my day.
As soon as I started the car, I saw it - the ever dreaded - check engine light was on. Understand I'm capable, I know what to do. It sends chills down my spine, I hate dealing with car issues. This would be a time that I would be in touch with Phil and he would advise me and/or fix the car. The emotion hits me in the gut like a boxer punching me. I think I suppressed feelings yesterday, I thought I had breezed through Valentine's Day with just a couple of tears. The feeling that passes through me, is anger, sadness and I decide to head to the mall.
The car seemed to run okay, it continued to rain and I jumped out and started to mall walk. There was one other person at 6:30 in the morning.....she was mall jogging.
After a couple of rounds of the mall, I headed back to my problem with the car. The only things I'm experienced with dealing with a vehicle is filling the coolant, the window spray and oil. I decide to check the oil, it seemed low. I read my manual to make sure I'm doing everything right, buy oil and fill it. Of course the light is still on, believe me, Phil has tried to teach me all of this during the last four years. I drive to Marina to Cuquis, where I have bought the last two cars. Alberto who sold us our cars, has been through the journey with us, we began going there soon after Phil was diagnosed. I have to give them the biggest plug, they are fair, kind and have helped me more than I can say. I arrived before they opened, so I took the half hour and walked around Marina. Once again Alberto helped me without hesitation and I was out of there in a few minutes. I just needed a new gas cap, and everything is okay.
Thank you Alberto!!
What happened when I got back into the car took me off guard. I was hit with gratitude for Alberto, sadness about Phil and although I have cried, I haven't had what I would call severe ugly crying. All hell broke out, I cried like a beast, crying and letting it all go. Amazing emotional outburst. I yelled, cussed, screamed and cried. Whoa, I'm still tired from it. I gained control and I headed to a local motel by the beach so I could borrow their overhangs to take photos. The rain and gray skies hang there, just like my mood.
Noelle made breakfast for us and we head out to the DMV because Noelle needs to get a new ID. Only to get there and realize that it is President's Day......We decide to try to walk in Sand City The rain lets up, just long enough for our walk. The walk helped, there was color, whimsy and we enjoyed ourselves.
To Phil
I miss the hell out of you.
You were the best.
I love you
I sure could have used one of those hugs today.
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