Moving forward with Astrocytoma Stage 3 with hope, courage and love

The roller coaster with astrocytoma  stage 3 continues to take us on it's bumpy, crazy ride.  We cling on by our fingertips just taking the ride.

The week began with us planning a trip to Santa Barbara to collect our winnings of a night at our favorite inn, the Inn at East Beach.  We invited Noelle to keep us company due to Phil  showing some symptoms that were concerning and having an extra person along felt comforting.  Noelle's job was experiencing some personnel challenges and she wanted to make sure they were covered, so we got off to a later start than anticipated.  No matter, happy that she loves her job so much, we left with high spirits.  Down hwy 1 headed to our destination.  The drive was beautiful, perfect in every way.  We decided to eat dinner in Solvang and we walked, enjoyed the Christmas decorations.  We read Solvang was celebrating New Years Eve the next day at 3 in the afternoon and decided that sounded fun.  After a beautiful walk we headed to Santa Barbara.

We got to the inn and Phil settled in, Noelle and I took a walk around the property and took some photographs.  I couldn't recommend this hotel with any higher accolades.  Staff is excellent, comfy beds and big rooms - love it.  Not to mention it is dog friendly too!  Christina thank you very much it could not have been nicer.  In the morning we all got up and started to take a drive around Santa Barbara.  As we pulled into the Santa Barbara Mission, Phil suffered a seizure, something we have not experienced since he has the last biopsy in Feb.  Unsettling, scary and a sure sign that something was not right. 

Phil seemed alright as the seizure ended, I drove to the parking lot at Cottage Hospital in Santa Barbara and proceeded to call UCSF to find out the best thing to do since I was 4 hours away from home.    Phil is very hesitant about the ER.  Soon after the on call doctor from UCSF called and she asked questions, told me to head home and if he had anymore problems to take him to a hospital on the way home.  We had appt in 2 days for an MRI  in San Francisco, anyway.  We gathered ourselves up and headed back to Monterey.

It was a trip filled with discussion and we tried to make the best of what we had to work with.   Phil was tired, Noelle and I filled the car with chatter.  We made it home without incident, but with the knowledge we had a challenge on our hands.

We rested on Wednesday, Phil was very worn out as the seizure takes a lot out of him.  On Thursday our friends Chris and Scott came into town and we had a lovely dinner and visit with them.  Thank you both, your kindness and love have helped us in many ways, along our journey.

Pictures from our visit to Scott and Chris at the beginning of our journey.  It was a trip that filled us with love and confidence. 

Friday rolled in and it was time for the MRI and Dr's appointment in San Francisco.  Our friend Candice has been driving us into SF and besides being driver, she is entertainer, best hugger and a huge support for us.  Thank you Candice.

Phil and I have been talking about things no one wants to talk about....a necessary evil.  Trying to make sure everyone understands how to proceed in the future.  We were ready when we arrived to SF to hear the news.  We are always hopeful, but there were many clues besides the seizure that something just wasn't right.

The news wasn't good.  There is growth around the cyst and the tumor, looking as if the cancer is growing again.  Treatment options are being considered, but it has not got to the point of deciding the risks vs the benefits there.  The treatments are all very hard on the body and Phil wants quality life, as do I.  We are now sitting on that fence post until Thursday next week when we hear what the tumor board recommends as procedure. 

Yesterday was hard, we all cried.  It is hard to tell people you love the news.  The love we have received helps and is much needed. 

I again will say thank you to everyone.  We have a village that helps us, including family, friends and doctors.  I don't mention the doctors much, but I should.  What a team we have had.   There are nurses, receptionists and lab workers at CHOMP that take extraordinary care of Phil.  Amazing people, doing amazing jobs.  Our friends who have stood beside us during thick and thin, thank you.  Your love helps more than you will ever know.  All of you have taught me something about love, caring and compassion. 

There have been a hand full of people that have in one way or another left our lives.  We have learned that this is for the best for all of us.  Cancer changes everything, it is eye opening and teaches what is important.  Each moment treasured, each hug and kiss like gold, every card, well wish and prayer simply priceless.  There is no time for game playing, trying to talk to people who won't listen or allowing others to interfere in the journey.  Instead we dust ourselves off, keep moving forward with love and hope that each person finds their own peace in all of this.

We are going to continue to have adventures, live each moment to the fullest and enjoy the beauty around us.  Am I heartbroken, I am devastated.  Will I move forward with love, intention and courage, there is nothing else I can do. 

Please, my message to each of you is this, use each moment wisely, hug the people you love and to those who give of themselves unconditionally, you have taught me what life is all about.  I will move forward with the lessons you have taught me.

Right now I'm enjoying each moment with the love of my life.  There are no words to describe how I truly feel......Phil you are amazing and I love you will all of my heart.  Here is to good times, lots of love and finding a soul mate.  For you are my other half.

To love.......