Monday, October 22, 2018

Goodbyes always make me Cry - Healing trip to Solvang, Cambria and Santa Barbara


The sea lion that Phil helped the Marine Mammal Center with, Butterfly was released in Sausalito, California on 10/10/2018.  We are very happy to know that he was healthy enough to be sent home and we thank the Marine Mammal Center for what they do.  We will get up to visit the center someday in the near future.

Unfortunately in the middle of the night before we were to go, we received a call from my daughter, Nicole telling me that my son in law, Darin had passed away.  I spent the night talking to her on the phone and decided against the drive to Sausalito to see the release, due to exhaustion and sadness.  The news was hard, tragic and unfortunately something we had all feared.  Darin had been fighting his disease at the same time as Phil has been on his journey with brain cancer.   In fact I fear that Phil's illness had added to the demons that Darin had been running from.  


Darin will have several memorials, for many people loved him and they live all over the world.  Nicole had a memorial in Arkansas at a favorite fishing hole with his family.  They came in to help Nicole and in the process, begin to mend broken hearts. We will have a memorial here in Monterey Bay and there will be another coming in Alaska soon.  In the meantime Noelle, Phil and I have been trying to wrap our minds and hearts around all of it.  Noelle was wanting to visit her dad in Ventura, she invited us on what would become a memorial drive for Darin.  We took the time to tell stories, remember and try to make sense of something that you can't make sense of, instead you try to find peace.

A trip to Solvang and Santa Barbara - a fitting tribute as Darin loved to go to that area.
They often celebrated Nicole's birthday and other special occasions there!  It seemed like a good idea, we all needed some healing time.  Phil loved Darin and was pretty devastated with the news. Depression and sadness had taken him, he said he knew Darin was visiting him, he could feel him and there was a heaviness that fell over Phil's energy.


A side story - the previous week, Phil and I had watched a Josh Gates show on the Afterlife on 10/07.  There had been a part of the story when a doctor had explained his after death experience as flying on the wings of a butterfly.  When I told this to Phil, he became emotional and reminded me of a story that he had told me when he was very ill.  He had a dream that he attended a ceremony, a beautiful ceremony involving spinning, floating lotus flowers, and butterflies ascending into the heavens.  It struck both of us as our story has had butterflies surrounding us since Phil had his seizure in The Butterfly Grove Inn, by the Butterfly Sanctuary, in Pacific Grove which is known as the Butterfly City.  Releasing the sea lion Butterfly just seemed like another message.



This trip is dedicated to Nicole and Darin.
With all our love
Noelle, Phil and Mom
Darin may you soar on the wings of a butterfly over a rainbow to seas that are full of fish.
We love you and we will carry you in our hearts.

Our mini trip began early in the morning and we headed down Hwy 1 to Big Sur.  We all felt that Darin had joined us in spirit and we talked to Nicole on the phone while we were on the journey.


We have our favorite spots to gather ourselves and pull in wonderful energy.  Nothing better than a walk in the redwoods.  We love to stop in to the Big Sur Lodge for refreshments and a stroll.




The drive south on Hwy 1 is always spectacular.


Cambria is having their scarecrow festival, that is always a joy!  We checked out the art and embraced Cambria, another of our favorite places to reboot and regain our energy.  My mind goes to Darin and Nicole as I know they have taken this journey.  Nicole, I have no idea what you have been through, my heart goes to you and I send all my love, hugs and kisses.


A stop for lunch in a favorite spot in Cayucos.



Off to Solvang and down memory lane.





We have spent a lot of time at the mission in Solvang, the grounds are peaceful and prove to be a great place to meditate and take photos.

We tried an activity that Nicole had told me she and Darin had done and she had loved it a little more than Darin.



Nicole shared this photo of Darin when they visited The Ostrich Farm.


Then we have our day in Santa Barbara.  We decide the zoo is the activity that we all do together,  and then Phil and I enjoy the most incredible nachos on the beach.  On Oct. 28 Phil and I celebrate 21 years together and 13 years of marriage.  Phil and I met in Santa Barbara and have many wonderful memories there.  Since the last MRI we have been trying to live each moment to the fullest.  We have not missed an I love you, hug, kiss and there are no words unsaid.  Santa Barbara was heaven to us.

The parking lot started the beauty fest.....There was a magical tree.




The  Santa Barbara Zoo was beautiful and is a place that we have been visiting since the girls were young.
The joy that Noelle, Phil and I had there was remarkable.   They were decorating for their Halloween event.   Precious memories.


Dinner on Ledbetter beach was magical.  It was a beginning of the anniversary celebration.
We sat on the back patio, people watched, talked and watched the sun go down.
We ate the Shoreline Cafe, which we have been eating at since we lived in Santa Barbara, all those 21 years ago.  We shared the best nachos ever!  We tripped down memory lane, held hands and just enjoyed the ride.
These are the photos I took from the restaurant and table we were sitting at, what a show it was.


We strolled on the beach and at the harbor, hand in hand appreciated life to its fullest.
Grateful for all the wonderful things in our life.  Grateful for each minute.




Which brings me to this:
Dear Darin,  I choose to remember the good times, the laughs we had together  I loved the family times, our camping trips, the dinners and going to get a Christmas tree.  You were always there for us, whether it was putting a roof on the house, a floor down or helping entertain me while I was sick.  I am grateful for you and I will remember the fun and giggles.
Most of all I want you to know how much it meant to me when you helped us when Phil was in the hospital.  I knew you were struggling, I could tell.  Yet, you helped me move into the apartment, sell the van and liquidate the shop.  I don't know what I would have done without your help.
Thank you for everything.
We will miss you.
Linda

And so again, I will remind you to kiss your loved ones.  Every single moment is important and all there is - is love.








No comments:

Post a Comment