2 more Radiation Treatments, Fatigue and my daughters to keep our spirits and hope alive

Phil is losing his hair in an arc where the radiation is applied. Around the crown of the head.

The last week has been a difficult one in our battle with cancer.  Phil had some seizure activity on Saturday and has suffered from severe fatigue since then.  Yesterday he didn't even want to get out of bed, I took him to his radiation appointment in his pajamas and I had to push him in a wheelchair into the hospital.  That was the first time for that, he has always walked around on his own, with the exception of being released from the hospital.  All the other people that are receiving treatment and the radiation techs in the cancer center looked so worried and sad.  They did an emergency MRI just to make sure all looked alright in the brain, it showed that the swelling was about the same, nothing drastic going on in there.  Good news on that front, only 2 more radiation treatments which is more good news and it is now just a waiting game for the next MRI to see if the treatment is working.  The doctors said it will be about 6 - 8 weeks for the next MRI.  That means the end of radiation in 2 days, a 2 week break from chemo and then onto an increased chemo regimen.  

We meet some cuties, like little Harvey, on our walks, to help keep our spirits up.

It is all emotionally draining for both of us.  Every time we go to the doctors and you have to listen to them talk about the cancer, in all its scientific jargon, it takes its toll.  The realization of what you are dealing with touches you and effects everything the way you feel, the way you react and you have to readjust yourself again.  Brain cancer, I still can't wrap my arms around it.  Today the Neurologist told Phil that seizures will probably be a risk for him from now on.  To help keep the seizures at bay, he has to keep the anxiety low, lots of rest, sleep, and meds.  Phil seemed sad and distressed to hear that. The anticipation of the seizures is what causes him the most stress, the fear of what might be, one moment at a time....

“When life is not coming up roses
Look to the weeds
and find the beauty hidden within them.” 
― L.F.Young

Today he is still tired but he was moving around, we got a short walk by the ocean and one around the hospital after radiation.  He showed interest in food again today and he smiled and showed personality and humor.  I call that a good day.......

Beauty is helping us get through.

I told Phil on Thursday or Friday, we must celebrate the ending of the radiation treatments, that is a milestone.  I'm doing everything I can to help keep his and my spirits up.  We will do a special lunch by the beach or something fun to celebrate.  He says he is wearing his, "More Cowbell", t-shirt that day, he will get to ring a bell signifying the end of the radiation.  What a great day that will be.......

I'm not going to say this is not difficult, it is the most difficult challenge that I can imagine.  The love and support that we are receiving, make it easier, though.  A hug, a kind word, prayers, cards and my beautiful daughters Nicole and Noelle are helping us get through this.  They both were there to support us at the hospital yesterday. That certainly helped me, I can't stand to wait, waiting is the worst at the hospital.   While he was having the MRI they were there to help keep me calm and entertained.  Those girls have made sure we have what we need at home, they are there with sandwiches and love at the hospital and check on me every single day to make sure we are okay.  It makes a huge difference knowing they are there.  We both love and appreciate them, I hope they know that.

On Sunday, we had a dinner and small Mother's Day celebration that I absolutely adored.  Nicole prepared a lovely dinner that was ready to consume when we arrived.  With's Phil's fatigue we have to work around his nap schedule and if he is feeling up to even participating at all.  Noelle was working and ended up having to work late.  She had herself a little worked up thinking she might miss the window of Phil feeling ok and being awake.  His nap had run over so it ended up all working out perfectly.  I felt bad for her though, sometimes people are not as compassionate as they should be for a family that is dealing with this.  It is hard on all of us, emotionally, not just Phil and I.   There was a rumor that got back to us, that someone has said she had played the "dad" card, to try to get off at her scheduled time.  Those are words that could break a mother's heart.  I try not to take it in, and realize some people have never experienced anything like this. But it truly affects all of us, and is just unkind. None the less, the Mother's Day celebration was fabulous, we ate our delicious shrimp dinner, there was a beautiful dessert, presents and most important family time and laughs.  It tired Phil out, but he wanted me to have that celebration and it was a success.  That hour long celebration meant the world to me.  We haven't had many family gatherings since Phil's been receiving radiation.   These are the important things in our life right now.  

Yum!

    

I would like to give a special thanks my daughter Nicole for all the fundraising she has done for us, she has literally been helping us live and be able to take care of our medical bills. Without her this would have been an even worse nightmare, there are no words to express our gratitude.   She has done all of this while she has been working at her regular job and closing down her store Ma's Green Living.  I love you Nicole, we both appreciate everything you have done.  I know that it has been a challenge and that you never even flinched, you just did what needed to be done.  I love you!

 Thank you again to everyone for your love, support and well wishes.  Much gratitude and love to all of you.  

Tomorrow is another day.